S Factor

Success

2011-04-03T18:27:00.000-04:00

Each individual has their own interpretation of what success really is. Some like material things, wealth and the like. Others may enjoy having a full social life and the closeness of family and friends. Still others find joy and fulfillment in their works. What is success for you? I believe success is what brings a person a feeling of accomplishment after setting a set of goals and achieving those goals that have been set. Success can also be a state of mind. What brings a person the most fulfillment may be different for each person. Everybody doesn’t have the same idea when it comes to success.

Some may consider success in terms of money and wealth. Most certainly those who have gone through the rigors of any rise to success would feel a sense of accomplishment so, success is a sense of accomplishment. Success also usually has to do with goal setting. Usually some goal is put forward and it is up to the goal setter to accomplish the goals that were set. Therefore there is a level of attainment in goal setting. Most successful people have a plan or goals in mind before they attempt accomplishing those goals or carry out their plan.

Another aspect of success is sacrifice. Most often if a person wants to accomplish a goal they have to give something up or sacrifice certain things in order to obtain that goal. So, is success really success if something has to be sacrificed in order to obtain it or accomplish that goal? I would think that whatever was given up or sacrificed would be less valued than the accomplished goal. Or to put it another way the payoff of the accomplished goal would have to be valued more than what was sacrificed. I will use an example; Student X and Student Y have an exam next week. Student X just wants to pass the exam so Student X goes to a concert and a party that weekend, Student X feels as though they studied enough during the week so no need to study on the weekend. Student Y wants an A on their exam so every opportunity Student Y gets they study, foregoing, parties, concerts, and all other social activities. Student Y gets an A and Student X passes. The pay off for student Y was greater than the sacrifice made.

Success varies in regard to value. Some people value quantity where as others may appreciate quantity. It may be the same with success. Success is a relative term. One persons idea of success may be accomplishing one lifelong goal where as another person’s goal is to accomplish a series of goals and continue setting more and more goals. Success varies from person to person. Everybody doesn’t have the same concept of what success is.

Anybody who has goals for their future and wants to accomplish those goals should be honest and determine what is really important. Is it important to have a nice house and car with designer clothes, to leave behind your mark for future generations, have and raise competent people who will be assets to society, or live a life that is fulfilling to you. There is no wrong answer. You may want to become an entrepreneur, learn how to play a musical instrument, become a screenplay writer; the possibilities are endless. The most important is that you stick to the goals and want to attain those goals for the right reasons. Success is a state of mind and only we can define our own success

Contracts

2011-03-28T20:29:00.001-04:00

What exactly is a contract? It’s simple; there are three components to a contract. They are as follows; offer, consideration, and acceptance. A contract can be defined as an exchange of promises supported by some consideration. It can also be considered as a bargain that is struck and there is some consideration involved. The reason for a contract is to make a commitment for promises in the future (R. Blair, UF Economics Dept. 2004). If I give someone a headache, my apologies ahead of time but I loved that man’s class no matter how crooked his lines were, or the fact that he never saw a raised hand (I can’t tell why)J. Ok, let’s take into account consideration the most important part of a contract.

Consideration gets the exchange to be accepted or denied. This is a tricky, slippery aspect of contracts. Many people fail to give this aspect attention. Questions, questions, questions should be asked. Often changes need to be made to contracts in order to make them fair. Everybody cheats its human nature and if anybody thinks they can get over, they will try. Promisory estoppel is when there are promises made but no consideration. This is a no no. If a promise is made to a person and they are not given the opportunity to consider it. This is what I call NO DEAL! The legal term is called a breech. Stop right there go back to the drawing board, rip up the agreement and start over. A misinformed person has no way of making an intelligent informed decision. This is also along the lines of unconscionability or a litigious term for unfairness based upon inequities or disproportional conditions.

When considering other aspects of consideration there are other issues that come into play. I will focus on coercion/duress and mistakes. Coercion is one of the worst contract formation defenses that could allow a rescission of a contract if made. Coercive behavior is considered to be socially unproductive because assets may flow from higher valued use to lower valued use. When entering a contract full information and voluntary exchange is considered value maximizing, both parties get the most out of the deal (R. Blair, UF Economics Dept. 2004). A promise made due to incorrect information can also be grounds for a NO DEAL situation. This would be categorized as a mistake, another type of contract formation defense.

So we have three types of contract formation defenses that can allow the rescission of a contract, they are; unconscionability, duress/coercion, and mistake. Lastly acceptance is when all of the work is done and things are crystal clear, both parties know what they are getting into and agree upon it; meaning the deal is value maximizing for all involved or NO DEAL. I know that this particular blog is a departure from my previous blogs but I believe it is important for any woman to know her rights, especially in the world we live in today and women of color in particular. I hope that I didn’t bore anyone too much but this type of information is fascinating to me. I have referred to myself as a doctor, lawyer, and Indian chief before. So, this is my legal side showing, I hope it didn’t scare anyone; it wasn’t intended to do so.

I am Grateful that I don't Live in India

2011-03-27T19:35:00.000-04:00

I am taking inventory of the things that I am grateful for. So, I am grateful for being a Christian and I am grateful to be an American. I learned about other religions a while back and I was surprised when learning about the Indian caste system that skin color was a direct way to determine a person’s social class. It was appalling to me and almost disgusting. Since I am a medium to dark skinned Black person depending upon what season it is or the region I’m in. I would be considered an untouchable and no one would love me except for God. How awful is that?

By the Indian caste system untouchables are outcastes. The untouchables are described to live a life full of prejudice by the National Geographic article titled “Untouchable”. They are shunned and considered impure and as unworthy beings. They are shunned by the other caste classes, raped, burned, lynched and gunned down. They are given the undesirable jobs and any attempt to move to a higher class would be faced with opposition and usually this is when violence takes place against them.

This is actually similar to how many other cultures behave; even here in America. Many cultures around the world honor lighter skin and value it as better than darker skin. Many Asian cultures and some African cultures (ie.South Africa) value lighter skin over darker skin. America is somewhat different. It seems as if those who have less pigment may want more. A lot of people actually have an affinity for darker skin. I can’t say that I blame them but I love my skin. I was teased about it when I was younger. Anyhow, I realize now that my skin is gorgeous. It protects me from the sun; it’s smooth, wrinkle-free, and a perfect golden brown.

I believe that whole caste system is imbecilic. Color has nothing to do with a person’s value. It should never be the measure of what a person is capable of or their potential for success. In my research it seems as if there has been a relaxation of the caste system and they are now finding more substantial reasons for putting people into classes that are not based upon the way a person looks or what family a person came from. So, I have found yet another reason why I am proud to be an American. Who would want to have to deal with a color measuring stick all of the time? Talk about hating a person because they’re beautiful.

All American

2011-03-25T15:07:00.004-04:00

I complain about it, I analyze it, I’m confused by it, but I love it. It is arguably one of the greatest countries in the world if not the greatest in the world. Straight and to the point, it is the only place where a person that looks like me has an opportunity to make something of herself. However, this comes with a cost. Many have sacrificed and still sacrifice to this day for the rights of those who were not given rights when the Founding Fathers drafted the Constitution. It is made of many nations and many peoples and of one creed—“with liberty and justice for all.”

I complain about it. It’s not a perfect country but we don’t live in a perfect world. Utopia doesn’t exist on Earth. There are many things that could be changed. It would take forever and a day to begin to list them but there is one underlying theme of improvement and that is equality. It’s not a hard concept to understand but somewhat difficult for the powers that be to allow.

I analyze it. Why do we so readily go to the aid of other countries if there is something in it for us but we fail many of our own people? Children in this country go to bed hungry, don’t have adequate healthcare or education, and hatred is a reality to many adults who pursue love.

I’m confused by it. The hardest working people make the least amount of money, receive the least amount of respect, yet things would fall apart without their presence. What kind of reward is that for work, it’s not expressed in the wages, why work hard to get thrown a bone?

I love it. Strangely enough with all of its imperfections, I am still American. My family has been here for many generations, too many for me to quantify. We have fought in wars and served our country, gotten degrees and started families, gotten advanced degrees, sang and performed in play and opera houses as well as other venues all over the world, started our own businesses, recorded albums, traveled the world, built homes, farmed land, slaved, helped settlers understand the land, and settled in a new world and mixed with the inhabitants. I don’t know anything else but being American. America is my country.

I am...

2011-03-24T20:32:00.004-04:00

I am beautiful, talented, articulate, pensive, artistic, intelligent, amazing…As a Black woman I have to remind myself who I am. Every day I am constantly bombarded with negative images of Black women in the media, peoples negative perceptions of me and what they think I am, disrespect, unkindness, and misunderstandings. I know that I am not the only person to experience this, I see it happen to others and it is unbelievable at times, the audacity of some people. However, I am not certain if I can put all the blame on society or the powers that be because we have a great amount of control over our own destiny and what we think of ourselves. I am going to address the Black or African American community.

Black women, why do we constantly backstab, put down and literally hate our fellow Black woman. If anyone knows what you are going through, it is another Black woman. Why would you be jealous of another person who may know how to make managing the hardships that we as Black women face look easy. You may have a friend or acquaintance that looks like she has the perfect life, well, guess what? She doesn’t. We already have enough to deal with; racism, sexism, raising children on our own, being the backbone of our community, etc. in addition to all of the other problems that people go through. Why add to it when we could be helping one another, other people do it. When you attempt to hurt another person you are hurting yourself too. We should focus on encouraging one another and if you are not in a place where you can encourage someone else, start with encouraging yourself. Don’t expect for someone else to do it. It’s not all of your fault society loves to see Black women unhappy, unhealthy and left to felt unloved. Lastly, please don’t rely on Black men or any other man for that matter for validation that is not a man’s purpose in life, any real man wants an emotional equal.

Black men, many of you have let us down as a whole. Many Black households are headed by Black women because Black men just don’t take responsibility for their actions. Whether it be abusive behavior and actions, lack of initiative, not taking responsibility for your offspring, general arrogance or lack of commitment just to name a few, it is expected that others have to suffer for your shortcomings. The Black men that fulfill their responsibilities as men want a medal or someone to feel sorry for them because they have to act as a responsible adult. To add insult to injury many Black men believe it acceptable to disrespect, batter, rape, rob, and degrade Black women. How can we expect people outside of our community to respect Black women if our own men don’t? Every man has a mother; would you do those things to her?

Many of the problems that we have really begin and end with us. It starts with respect. We have to respect ourselves. If you respect yourself as a person you wouldn’t disrespect another person. To the women specifically, refuse to let anybody treat you badly, whether it is family, friends, significant other, whomever. It’s amazing how the people who are closest to us hurt us the most. Don’t allow it. I don’t know how you feel about it but I am worth being treated like a human being and I won’t allow anything else. I am beautiful, talented, articulate, pensive, artistic, intelligent, amazing…I’m human.

Giving

2011-03-23T16:25:00.001-04:00

It is the most selfless thing that a person can do. I’m not going to give a formal definition of what giving is. It is simply the opposite of receiving. Most people become acquainted with receiving at a very early age. Once we are brushed with the feeling of receiving, many of us become accustomed to it and prefer receiving than the act of giving. As a youngster, Christmas was my favorite holiday because of all of the gifts. My parents would tell me every Christmas that it is better to give than to receive; most of the time I would be confused and then continue playing with my toys.

As an adult, I now understand that it is better to give than to receive. I participated in the usual gift exchanges with friends and family at the designated holidays and birthdays. However, I still didn’t understand the depth of what it meant to give in those moments. It was only when as a requirement to finish high school that I along with all of my classmates had to fulfill community service hours by the end of our third quarter before graduation. Like most of the lazy graduating seniors I didn’t want to do it, but I wanted to graduate so that I could go to the next level, so I figured why not give a whirl. I ended up volunteering with my church’s free health clinic. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I learned some new things and I got free pizza.

My giving didn’t stop there, in college I volunteered at a rehabilitative center, local homeless shelter, the emergency room and a clinic at the local teaching hospital, Arts for All, in support of Dance Marathon (Children’s Miracle Network), and many more causes. Also as a member and executive board member of a community service organization started by an amazing friend of mine I had the honor of being involved in many other great opportunities to give time and money to the community that we served. We organized muscotine grape picking for low income families, raised money for a physical and sexual abuse resource center, adopted rivers and highways to keep clean, and many more community oriented services. I want to say that the work I did in the class room was the most memorable part of undergraduate college life but giving was the best memory that I can’t forget.

Why give? I give because I receive a euphoric feeling from it. Others believe that it is their duty to mankind. Some give because of an overabundance of time, resources or money. However, it doesn’t take much to give. I have given my time in the past which I believe is the most valuable asset there is to give. I can’t get that time back but I can’t think of a better activity that time could have been used for. There are many ways to give, money is probably the easiest, more can be made and it doesn’t require much time. Time is a good way to give if you don’t have a lot of money or you want to get your hands dirty. Time can be given directly by volunteerism or by participating in walks or runs which can also be used to raise money without giving your own. Resources can be given as well; many professionals give of their time and professional expertise for free or pro bono. Last but not least gifting is another form of giving that most of us are acquainted with.

I encourage everyone to try the act of giving whether, time, money, resources, etc. It will enrich your life beyond comprehension and make you grateful for what God has blessed you with. Once you start giving you will realize that you may get more out of it than what you put in and that is the best gift that one can receive.

Flirting (Wink, Wink)

2011-03-22T14:10:00.001-04:00

Everyone does it; married, single, divorced, etc. Its fun and when done properly can be fun for all of those involved. Different people flirt for different reasons. Some flirt in order to get what they want, others flirt for the fun of it and still others flirt to display interest in the person they are flirting with. There are some interesting definitions of flirting on the web. So, flirting defined by Wordnetweb is playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest. It is defined by Wikipedia as a common form of social interaction whereby one person obliquely indicates a romantic or sexual interest towards another. Interesting, I need to be more careful with my flirting if this is what people interpret when I do so. I flirt with women and men alike but I’m not always interested romantically or sexually.

I flirt with women all of the time. I’m not afraid to give another woman a compliment. I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality to give another woman a compliment and I don’t see anything wrong with it. Women are beautiful creatures. It’s interesting though, very seldom do you see a straight man give another man a compliment on his appearance in a serious manner. You definitely wouldn’t see two straight guys dancing together, that is a straight man’s no-no! He’ll shimmy over to a woman and dance with her though. Hmm. I do flirt with men too however, I know I have to be careful when I do this. I suggest all women be careful as well. Words and actions can become confused quickly with guys. They are hunters and any sign of bait, they are on the trail! Flirting with guys can be a lot of fun because they usually flirt back whether they are interested or not. I try not to flirt with married men just to respect his wife. I know I wouldn’t want another woman flirting with my man so I give the same respect I would want to receive if I were married.

Type of flirting varies with the situation and the person. At work it’s better to flirt horizontally (coworkers) and never vertically (boss or subordinates) just to play it safe. It should also be more subtle such as a nice comment about a coworkers dress, skirt, pants, scrubs, shoes, etc. Or a compliment on the great cup of coffee they made, a job well done on a group project, or buying a snack or lunch for that coworker who is always doing something nice for you. Looser flirting is something that can be done outside of the workplace and a little more forward or suggestive. This type of flirting can range from a racy comment to light touching.

As an undergraduate student I learned the boundaries of flirting. I was in an elevator in the library going down to the ground floor to go out and get a snack. I don’t know what came over me. I got the urge to just pinch some random guy on the butt standing in front of me. Maybe I was bored from hours of reading and homework or maybe something about him tempted me. Whatever it was just before he stepped off the elevator I took my pointer and thumb and grabbed some meat in the back. To my surprise he looked violated as he looked back; I just smiled and kept going. Come to find out he was a librarian and told another librarian that I “pinched him on the butt.” I thought it was funny! And, he actually remembered me and always said "hi" afterwards whenever he saw me. I’m glad I made his day, the look on his face when I pinched him made mine!

The situation I explained was fairly harmless, I got a laugh out of it and I guess I made some bored librarians day. Since he was nice afterwards I don’t think there was any harm done. However, there are times when flirting can be harmful to others. The situation that I explained before with touching can go awry. I’m pretty sure I’ve pinched another girl on the butt and I have definitely been pinched on mine by another girl, it’s just something we do. Athletes touch each other’s behinds and don’t think anything of it. I marveled as a youngster why they did that and thought they liked each other. I found out its okay if they do it in on the field or court after a good play. I digress.

Anyhow, opposite sex touching with a stranger or acquaintance can be considered innocent when done above the belt. A light touch on the hand or arm is harmless. Touching any area that is covered by a bathing suit is usually considered inappropriate especially male to female; however, some men will get just as offended as women. I can recall many nights at the club with my girls and some gross guys would just violate us if there was an area that was really dark or they were huddled in a group as we walked by. Hint to guys: any decent woman doesn’t like that kind of contact. In the case of the pervs in the club, they just wanted to cop a cheap feel because they knew they couldn’t get with me and my crew. They better be glad I didn’t have a beer in my hand somebody would have been going to the ER… Jus kiddin’(I’m an angel J).

Also for anyone in a relationship or married it is not okay to flirt with other people to the point where it makes your significant other or spouse jealous unless of course you plan on ending it or paying dearly to make-up. It is also not a good look for a single or uncommitted person to flirt with a person who is in a committed (exclusive) relationship or married. It’s morally wrong and at any indication a person is attached to someone else it is imperative to stop heavy flirtation at once. Casual flirting with the opposite sex or same sex is fine but wrecking another person’s relationship for fun, personal gain, or for romantic or sexual pursuits is not okay(Note: I hope that librarian wasn’t married if he was I meant no harm to his wife, however I didn’t notice a ring.) I believe flirting is essential to some forms of communication often it is a great way to break the ice. I flirt for fun but never to do harm to anybody. What are some of the reasons that you flirt? Naughty or Nice?

Privilege

2011-03-21T19:44:00.003-04:00

First and foremost it is fitting to define what privilege is. Privilege is defined as a special advantage enjoyed by a particular group (Dictionary.com). It is also defined by Merriam Webster online dictionary as a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage or favor. A friend of mine in undergraduate said she learned in one of her courses that there are three privileges; they are as follows, to be White, to be male and to be Christian. As a fellow African American female and Christian we both realized we only benefited from one of these three privileges and realized that there was possibly compounded benefit if a person belonged to more than one of these groups. Most people do not give it much thought but it is true.

To be White in America is a privilege. Most of the people in power presently are White whether it is financial, social or political power. Minorities especially African Americans have fought just to be acknowledged and continue to do so. Unfortunately, often the only culture that is celebrated, acknowledged and respected is the mainstream White culture. White Americans also enjoy the privilege of being perceived in a better light than minorities. Most people including minorities view people with White skin as good people, kind, rich, worthy of respect, smart, attractive and more valuable. People with dark skin or Black skin are perceived as bad, of lesser value, uneducated, poor, mean, and unattractive. This point is made clear by opening any mainstream magazine and finding very few pages or articles with good depictions of darker skinned or Black people.

Being male is still an advantage over being female no matter what anyone says. It is etched in our brains from childhood in the classroom and other institutions that to be male is to be at an advantage. In the classroom, teachers encourage male students to excel in subjects like math and science because let’s be honest this is where the money is when we grow up. Girls are often encouraged to choose careers such as nursing, teaching, or secretary (the worst). Don’t get me wrong these are admirable careers but there needs to be more murses (male nurses) and male teachers; I also think a man that can type, make copies, and knows how to make coffee is SEXY! Other women probably do too. Affinity for males is actually a greater problem in many foreign countries. In many countries in the Carribbean, Africa, and Asia males are considered to be more valuable than female children and this carries over into adulthood. In many Asian and African countries girls are not even allowed to be educated or go to school, a travesty.

The best privilege of all is to be Christian whether people want to admit it or not. Christians enjoy privileges that people of other religions may not in America. It is still the national religion. All American money is marked with in “God We Trust”. That is how serious Americans are about Christianity. Even if most Americans don’t attend church on a regular basis there is something about if a person professes they are a Christian many people will perceive that person as good, wholesome, honest, kind, forgiving and many other positive attributes Christians are to possess. I must say on a personal note I enjoy being Christian not because of what other people think about Christians but for what I know. I often disagree with others interpretations of the Bible, some religious rituals and beliefs but I know that when I speak to God through Christ the Son I have the power and privilege of prayer. I believe there is no greater privilege. God is the eternal equalizer.

So, if you are like me and do not belong to the first two categories then you might want to talk to God more. He’s on your side when no one else is. It’s hard to even explain the joy a relationship with God brings. If you are reading this and shaking your head because you belong to two or more of the categories or another category, I wish I had advice but all I have to say is it must be nice! I’m still not jealous. Like I said before I have the greatest privilege of them all, the other two are no match for my one.

Happily Single

2011-03-20T19:32:00.001-04:00

It has been proven by studies that married men are the happiest male group and single women are the happiest female group when comparing married people and single people. I can definitely believe it. I’m not really sure why so many women rush into wanting to get married and find that they are miserable. Sure there are some men who make good husbands but presently in America over half of marriages end up in divorce. So the likelihood of a marriage working out is 50%, the likelihood of a woman being happy in that marriage I would venture to say is less than 1 out of 2; I’d say it’s closer to 0% than 50%. Those are some tough odds.

I have to reach back a few years to my Intermediate Microeconomics course with one of the only female professors in the Department of Economics. She said that she didn’t agree to get married until someone made it worth her while. Of course there were many who came to court and ask for her hand in marriage and she declined because in her opinion the offer did not meet her standards. After having a brush with a few people that were interested in the lifelong commitment of marriage to my surprise I was scared and reluctant. Not to hurt anyone’s feelings but I had to do what was best for me. I knew that the offer would not be in my best interest. Whether I had different life goals, different interests or just wasn’t a good match from my perspective I could not accept the offers.

I was called a “fool” by a few close girlfriends and scorned by my own mother because one of the men who had a promising future ahead of him but I wouldn’t be marrying for love. I would be marrying him because everyone thought we looked good together but in actuality there was nothing there in our relationship the spark had fizzed and his greatest concern wasn’t the success of a relationship but rather the appearance of a successful relationship. I was miserable and cried before our dates because I was just a set of ovaries, uterus and birth canal in an attractive agreeable package. I was living a life that most envied but I wasn’t happy at all.

Truth be told, being single is freedom. I don’t have to answer to a husband if I want to stay out late with my girlfriends. I don’t have to worry about pumping breast milk for the baby so that the sitter can feed the baby breast milk instead of formula while I’m at work. I don’t have to worry about finding a baby sitter if I want to go out on a date with the husband. All of these issues are part of being a working mom and there is nothing wrong with that. Some women make it look effortless. I know better though, it takes discipline, planning and a lot of work. I’m not knocking the working moms, they are working it and making it look easy. I just want to let all of the single women know that it’s not the fairy tale you were told as a youngster. Enjoy single life, its exciting!

I didn’t write this blog because of some fear or opposition to marriage but I write it to encourage all of those other single women out there in the same situation that there is nothing wrong with being single. I say enjoy it while you can because there is a lot of responsibility that comes with being a wife and mother. Are you sure you are ready to play those roles? It’s not like you see on television or all that your married friends may tell you it is. They’re not going to tell you that their husband has no idea what function their clitoris serves or that the cute little newborn doesn’t have a regular sleep pattern and wakes up every two hours for a feeding or only seems to spit up on her good clothes. Married people make fun of single people but secretly some of them wish they could be single again; the worst. So make sure when you get married you know what you’re getting into and you know the person you are making that lifelong commitment to.

Girlfriends

2011-03-18T13:22:00.001-04:00

NOTE: Most of the information shared is off of the top of my head. However, if I share information that I am not the original source of, I will cite the source in order to give the original source credit. Thanks for reading.

What is the meaning of real friendship, how do we determine whether a person genuinely wants our friendship or just has ulterior motive? There are most certainly those kinds of people in the world who only have ulterior motives. However, I always marvel at the women that are friends forever literally from the cradle to the grave. It’s amazing that some women can form that bond and keep it over a lifetime. Of course there has to be certain conditions in place. Usually that type of woman doesn’t move far from the place she grew up and in the beginning of the friendship, shares many similarities and interests with her lifelong friend.

By sociological standards it is said that women have face to face relationships where they share intimate details about their lives and can have a relationship where much of it has to do with talking and sharing personal information (intimacy). Men are said to have side by side relationships where they do things together but don’t necessarily have an intimate bond (Professor Marsiglio or LaGreica; University of Florida, Dept. of Sociology). I believe this is somewhat on average. I have had a combination of both and I feel more comfortable with side by side relationships, they are much safer. Guys are smarter than you may think.

What is a friend? There are many definitions; I will highlight a few of the ones that I have researched. One definition is a person attached to another by affection or regard (dictionary.com). Another definition that I found on the net via Google is a person that you know well and regard with affection and trust (wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn. Lastly, a person who one knows, likes, trusts (Free online dictionary). Alright so now we have somewhat of an idea of what a friend should be. Hmm. So, how do we choose friends and how do people choose us as friends?

I have done my fair share of choosing friends and I have definitely been chosen as a friend or acquaintance by people. It varies from situation to situation and person to person. I can distinctly remember being chosen as a said friend for the ulterior motives of others. I was always a good student. I loved homework and I can remember the cool kids that didn’t like to do theirs. Right before first period or even before the teacher collected homework depending upon how bold they were, I would be asked for answers to questions or all of my homework answers. Or, waiting in the lunch line and getting asked by some annoying kid, if I had an extra dollar to spare. In fear of not being liked, being teased or bullied I usually complied, knowing that I should not have. These people were not my friends and had no intention of a relationship based upon mutual interest or respect.

Then there were those friends I chose, like the other girl in my Orchestra class that talked just as funny as I did; her family was actually from New York. And there was the little loud girl who was one out of three of us girls in our middle school engineering club. She actually lived right down the street from me and I came to find out she had things much worse than I did but she was a little spitfire. I didn’t have to say anything when she was around. There was also the little Black and Native American girl who was in half of my freshman courses in undergraduate and lived in the same apartment complex; she was another little tough girl, from Baltimore. There were others but I had to highlight a few of the most important ones.

All throughout our lives we get to make the decision of who we let in and who not to let in. Thank goodness as an adult we can be more selective and have a little more control over the people we get to be friends with. Are there people in your life that appear to be friends but are really frenemies? For instance, certain women love to be next to the “FAT” girl in pictures. Any woman with weight on her knows what I mean. Many women have a jealous friend or associate who may think you have it better than them but have no idea your personal struggles, trials or hardships. Then there are those who want to get next to a person just to attempt to make themselves look better and not necessarily lift them up, its worse when done in a covert manner. Friend or frenemy?

I am an advocate of human interaction and I believe it is vital to survival. Humans are community beings and we are made to be amongst one another and have meaningful relationships with one another. However, it is important to be careful who we let into our lives. Some people are toxic and do not deserve our time. The sooner we can identify those people in our lives that have our best interest at heart and those who have ulterior motives or who are just plain evil, the better off we will be. So choose your friends carefully and don’t feel badly about not letting certain people in. If a person is not interested in a relationship built upon mutual benefit it’s not a relationship worth having. Boundaries are a good practice, they are there to protect us and keep us safe. In addition, those people who have a genuine interest in having a relationship will respect those boundaries.

Greener Grass Syndrome

2011-03-17T13:18:00.000-04:00

Is your neighbors grass really greener than yours or are you seeing things that aren’t there? It happens to everybody. I have been guilty in the past of this deadly sin, we all have some of us still are. The grass just looks greener across the way, it’s not though. You look at someone’s life on the outside and you think, WOW! It must be nice to be that person. I wish I could live a day in their shoes! We make these assumptions about people’s lives without really knowing how they got to where they are and what they had to sacrifice in order to get there. The glitz and glam just looks so good on the outside. I wonder what things are like on the inside?

I can remember when I was very young my dad taught me an incredible life lesson and since then it is a very rare occasion for me to get jealous. Even then it never lasts. I was pouting and upset because I couldn’t have something that I wanted. He asked me why I wanted it and I told him it was because a class mate of mine had it. That’s when the finger wagging began. He didn’t even tell me to sit down before he scolded me. He told me, “You need to stop that; you’re already spoiled now as it is!” He let me know he could buy that toy that I wanted but I wouldn’t appreciate it because I didn’t appreciate what I already had; a room full of toys that I got bored of and stopped playing with. He said, “You need to learn to appreciate what you have and not want everything you see.” He asked me, “Do you think people with big fancy houses and cars are happier than people with a regular house and a regular car.” I said, “Yes. He said, “I don’t”. I asked him, “Why?” He told me, “Everything that glitters isn’t gold.” “Things aren’t what you think they are.” “You don’t know what they had to do in order to live the life they are living.” “Don’t you be jealous of someone you don’t know; don’t be jealous of people you do know, because you don’t know everything about them.”

From then on my little green streak vanished. I started to think about the things that may not be obvious when I coveted a possession of someone else. It is one of the best feelings in the world to be free of wanting what other people have because I know that things are not what they seem. Also, jealousy is an irrational emotion it doesn’t really serve any function. Most people present a certain image to the rest of the world but rarely do we know all of what the people we may admire had to go through in order to get what they have attained. I had heard later on that the same classmate that I was jealous of, their parents were going through a separation and the toy was a gift of comfort for them. I really wasn’t jealous after I found that out.

Later on in life I found out what it’s like to have someone be jealous for absolutely no reason from my opinion. Why be jealous of someone you know very little about except for what they present to the world or what you think you see. Even if you are close to a person that you may think warrants envy, why? You don’t know the whole story just a few pages and some snapshots why judge? People become envious without realizing that they are blessed in their own way; human nature at its worst. People covet, envy and sometimes hate based upon things that they really don’t know much about when it comes to the person of observation. So, I urge anybody who may be jealous of another person, it happens to the best of us, DON’T be. No matter what it is; looks, money, things, or someone else’s spouse (the worst). Whatever it is, you don’t know the real cost.

Interracial Dating, Novelty or Substance?

2011-03-16T13:14:00.001-04:00

Times have changed; schools, churches and neighborhoods are legally integrated, we have a Black president who happens to be Bi-Racial, and interracial dating and marriage is on the rise. Hmm. Some people still are not too fond of the idea of interracial dating, marriage or both. What can I say? Racism is still alive and well? For my generation it is something that is not that serious for most of us. People are people; color really shouldn’t matter when considering matters of the heart, right? Not so easy.

In my opinion, I say, if two people like each other and enjoy one another’s company what is wrong with them getting to know one another better? Any relationship should be out of a sense of mutual respect and admiration, or something substantive. However, being an ethnic woman we still have to somewhat be on guard against fetishists or men who have ulterior motives. There are those people out there who really don’t want to get to know someone for who they are but more so what they are. They think that maybe they can have some kind of experience based upon preconceived notions or stereotypes or maybe they want to see what the other side is like.

I believe most men don’t really care about whether a woman is only interested in having the” Great White Experience”, A “Latin Lover”, some “Asian Persuasion” or A “Monstrous Mandingo”. Whew, did I include everybody! All of which are somewhat stereotypes to begin with. The point I am trying to get across is, men like the idea of proving their sexual prowess whereas most women want to have a relationship built upon well, substance. Most women want a man who wants her for who she is not what she is. I wouldn’t want to date a person who is only interested in a sexual experience and nothing else, it doesn’t matter what color he is. Everybody has misconceptions, stereotypes and biases about people of other races that often get in the way of how they view people of other races. It is a learned pattern of subconscious thought.

The above reasons in addition to others are what keep many Black women from dating interracially. I know that as an African American woman, many women in this group have reservations about dating Caucasian men because of the ugly past of slavery and the fact that Black women and girls were raped by their White masters, who fathered children by them and their White wives. In addition they were seen by White men not as people but as property easily bought, used and sold. Something about going outside of the African American community just doesn’t sit well with a lot of Black women. You can’t blame them. In addition, a man of a different ethnicity might not be used to the unique differences that Black women possess. We are the most different in appearance and experiences from all other women. There are also customs and codes of conduct that differ amongst most cultures often making interracial dating a lesson in another culture.

Other people also make it difficult for interracial couples; strangers, friends and even family members. It’s that racism thing again. Some people don’t experience discrimination until they start dating a minority. Also it is almost as if it is a privilege to be in a same race relationship whether a part of the majority group or not (the things people take for granted). Many people would rather see a couple of the same race than an interracial couple together because of the way society perceives the relationship. Some people have to completely cut off those friends or family members who are hateful or not accepting of an interracial union. Interracial couples with children have an even greater challenge; often the children don’t necessarily look like the parents causing confusion for others from birth throughout formal primary and secondary education and throughout life. Children can be cruel but adults can be just as bad.

With all of this said, love is not color coded. It isn’t a hard fast rule that people must fall in love with people of the same color. We are past that point in our history where interracial marriage is illegal however; there are still more subtle forms of discrimination that interracial couples face. No relationship is easy and quite frankly interracial relationships mirror all relationships, there is no big difference only the two lovers may not be of the same culture or race. The issues are still the same; there is no magical difference or advantage. It is a regular relationship just like any that requires work and attention. The way I see it, there really are only two kinds of people in the world and that is, men and women. It has been scientifically proven that racial physical characteristics (racial phenotype) make up a very small part of the human genome and there are more genetic similarities interracially than intraracially. So, we really are all the same except for our appearance.

What is consent?

2011-03-15T10:24:00.001-04:00

What really constitutes a yes to sex? This is probably very controversial amongst men and women. I would like to open up a conversation, in order to erase any confusion about it. A friend of mine with a Women’s Interest group actually defined what consent is for everybody. I actually already knew most of the information that I am about to share but it is always nice to have a refresher course. This is probably what makes heterosexual relationships and interactions so confusing. Often men want sex sooner and more frequently than women do. In same-sex relationships I believe there may be less confusion because they understand better the way one another think. Men and women not so easy, the two definitely don’t think alike. Personally, I think sex is gross and made to torture women. So, let’s explore.

So ladies and gentlemen consent to sex is an enthusiastic and affirmative yes. Now isn’t that easy. Just a suggestion to the men if she isn’t smiling or looks happy about it she doesn’t want to have sex. Anything else is a big fat “NO”! If a woman says,” I don’t feel like it, I have a headache, or I’m not in the mood”, this is just a nice way of saying no, however, it’s still a no. If a person is under the influence of alcohol or any other mind altering substance, or is not conscious (ie. sleeping or passed out) they are legally unable to give consent to sex and therefore if someone tries to have sex with them in that state it is considered to be illegal. Got it; good! Also, no always means just that; no, it doesn’t mean maybe or anything else. No is simple to understand. It’s one of the first words that most of us learn.

In addition, sex by coercion is also considered to be illegal. It can also be considered forced intercourse by coercion. Consent starts with a question. The question has to be framed as such; can we have sex? Not, do you want to have sex? The latter question is like a leading question (legal concept) or a question that contains the answer that the person asking wants to hear. It is somewhat of a psychological thing. It is better to just say NO, if a guy or girl asks, do you want to have sex? It leaves the person answering to feel a sense of guilt if they answer no to the question. This can be considered coercion because it is almost telling the person they want to have sex when they may not. There are also other forms of coercion most guys could probably paint a better scenario than me. Men usually are the aggressors in coercive situations. The best way to prevent any of this is to have a conversation before any touching takes place because this is where a lot of confusion, miscommunication and misinterpretation takes place. This is the danger zone and there must be an affirmative and enthusiastic yes before any touching or in some instances kissing happens. It’s really not that complicated.

The best thing to do is always keep the lines of communication open with your partner male or female so that there is no confusion. Once some guidelines and boundaries are in place it is much easier to deal with the issue of consent. You won’t be left feeling taken advantage of, rushed into anything, misled, deceived or confused. However, once these boundaries and guidelines are in place stick with them, you will have a better relationship if these boundaries are set and maintained in the beginning. If your partner male or female does not want to comply then they obviously don’t care about your needs or happiness. End it right away or else you will eventually have to end it with some hurt or disappointment involved.

With all of this said, ladies, there are those cases when a woman may want sex and man doesn’t, this is somewhat rare. You might want to sniff him and look for lipstick stains if this happens. Anyhow, men are entitled to the same respect that we are. You wouldn’t want him to force himself on you so definitely don’t force yourself on him either. If he says he doesn’t want to have sex don’t do any of the things that I mentioned before that constitute lack of consent. That isn’t fair to him. Respect is paramount and in order to receive it we must give respect as courtesy if we want it in return. This goes for any relationship, heterosexual or same-sex. Sex really does start in the mind; have a conversation about it first.

Big Dogs

2011-03-14T11:54:00.003-04:00

As I was taking a leisurely stroll in one of the beautiful parks here in DC, I came across two men and their little pooches. I was careful not to get too close while I observed the dogs. I am an animal lover. I never had a cow or chicken as a pet so I’ll still devour a quarter pounder with cheese or a three piece from Popeyes or KFC. Anyhow, I noticed the two dogs playing. Most dog owners know that often times when dogs play, as innocent as is may seem the winner will achieve dominance over the losing dog. The larger dog was obviously winning using its size to its advantage, a mutt of some sort and the smaller dog a toy Schnauzer. The losing dog becomes the submissive one subject to the winner. This actually happens with most animals. Well, what about the most dangerous animal of all, MAN.

Man was given the gift of reason by God. The bible states that a man without God is a fool. This makes sense. God is the voice of reason. Man was given dominion over all of the earth and everything in it. However, does this mean a man without God is just like another animal roaming the earth? This may seem farfetched but give it some thought for a second. Most humans are carnivorous. Most carnivores kill their food (in their natural habitat), it’s the circle of life like Rafiki from the Lion King would sing.

Most human killers kill for one of several reasons. Self defense, passion (matters of the heart, whether it be love, money, land or resources) or just plain evil are the reasons humans kill. I use evil because evil and hatred go hand in hand. Both are ugly traits. It is somewhat an incomprehensible concept for me. I believe most serial killers would kill because of evil. However, murder in the case of humans is never by most laws, codes, or commandments justifiable and always wrong. The only case where a person may slide is in self defense. I do have a point I’m getting to. Bear with me. So, we have established that murder is wrong, right?

Well let’s consider self preservation as a motivation for murder. I love all that is Native American partly because like many African Americans I have Native American ancestry. Black people often bring up slavery when considering America’s indiscretions but no group has been more disenfranchised than the Red Man. Many European settlers migrated to this new land as a means of a better life or to flee from persecution. Thousands of Native Americans were murdered in the European’s efforts to create a better way of life for themselves. This was the Native American’s land they were here first. Did anyone go to trial for the lives of these innocent men, women and children? Ghettos, poverty, lack of access to education; these are just a more subtle form of murder a slow and sure painful death for people who do not look like the majority.

So, are the people with the most wealth and financial control in this country Big Dogs? Only their size or advantage comes in the form of racism, nepotism and sexism. I’m human, God is my reason. He is in charge of me and everything else. He doesn’t like ugly. Hatred and murder are ugly. Aha, there’s the point. There is no difference between the beast and a man without God; in fact the two are equivalent. Many of the executives in expensive suits on the top floors are nothing more than animals, murderers, and killers without a conscience.

Go Back to Europe

2011-03-13T11:54:00.001-04:00

The racist double standard of some people is just ridiculous at times. It seems as if any time a minority group complains about mistreatment or unfairness in this country we are told to go back to our country of origin by those who enjoy the benefits of colonialistic oppression. I as an African American woman have not only African lineage but European and Native American; I deserve to be here just as much if not more than those who would like me to go back to Africa. I am not African therefore, Africa is not my home. My family line has been in this country for generations and in the case of my Native American ancestry were the original inhabitants of America.

In addition, the African descendents in my family tree were enslaved and helped build the country we call the “land of the free, home of the brave”; arguably the best nation in the world. America would not be the country it is today without the priceless contributions that the descendents of enslaved Africans have made. The arrogance of the idea of sending African descendents back to Africa after what we have suffered and endured and continue to endure in this country is appalling. We deserve equality. This ideology that some hold onto is one of the reasons that we are hated by other countries around the world and it definitely isn't because of people who look like me. Even European countries scoff at the way African Americans are treated in this country. I think that is a pretty good indication that there is something wrong with the idea that any African American that speaks up about unfair, biased even racist treatment should go back to Africa. Well, I’m hear now bitches (male and female)! You can’t do anything about it, so tough for you.

No matter how badly People of Color are treated by White people we don’t tell them to go back to Europe. Oh, I get it. The Founding Fathers were White so therefore, the rights that they set forth for mankind is only for the less pigmented descendents of Europe. Okay. Whatever, if it weren’t for all of the free labor built on the backs of Black women, many White Americans wouldn’t be able to afford the wealth they experience today. If it were not for the secrets of farming and knowledge of the land from Native Americans, White Americans wouldn’t even have had a fighting chance to build their own little haven free of persecution, famine and accountability that we call America.

I don’t hate anyone. There is no reason to; I’m too good for that. However, I am sick of the murderous treatment that I as a disenfranchised person receive. Murderous in the sense that all people care about when they see me is how many children I could have or how much they can take advantage of me because of my skin color (Black people included.) I am not alone there are millions of Black men and women in America in the same situation. So maybe if White people are getting tired of the truth, they should take a trip back to Europe and see how they like it there. Maybe they’ll like it and stay. Are Euro and the British Pound still more valuable than the American dollar?

Independent Woman

2011-03-11T09:20:00.000-05:00

I put myself through college for a reason; I don’t want to be dependent on a man. God Bless America! Both of my grandmothers worked as homemakers for decades and relied on their husbands to bring home the bacon. And, in their day they really didn’t have much choice that is what women did, especially Black women. I am not going to knock any woman who wants to stay at home with the kids and take care of home. If she is doing that of her own free will, more power to her. However, I just want to let you all know I’m not doing it. Every woman is different. I never wanted to be a homemaker, nurse or teacher so, why should I be? All of which are respectable professions.

I worked way too hard to get into college, stay there and graduate to be some guys baby making machine; no thank you. I put myself through college and I must admit it was well worth it. I work at being humble about my education but I don’t regret pursuing education for a millisecond. I know there are some people out there who are self made millionaires and did not receive formal education; kudos to them!! Not everyone has that gift or opportunity. Some people have to go to school and work hard. However, no matter how challenging it may be at times education is always worth it; at least it is for me. As a Black woman education is the only hope for a better future. Many of the older women in my family did not have the opportunity to go to college. Education means even more to me because of this I believe I owe it to myself to be free of anybody; man, employer, debt, etc. I believe those are fair expectations.

As far as having a family goes, I’m young. I have the rest of my life to marry someone who won’t appreciate me and birth some little crumb snatchers. Why rush into misery. I want to enjoy freedom for as long as possible because having a husband and kids is no joke. That is where real responsibility begins. Not to mention the inequities that women have to deal with when it comes to child rearing. Forget about it if you are a Black woman married to or having children for a Black man, just about the most irresponsible f*&^kers on the face of the earth. Ugh! This pretty much means you will be raising children by yourself. I’d rather not have children, especially if it is for one of them. Why bother if they don’t have a responsible father. Anyhow, this gives even more reason to focus on what is important and that is independence. Nothing else matters to me right now.

I’m definitely not going to allow some guy to dictate my future I was taught better than that. Men are selfish anyways; they only care about their own agenda whether single or married. I think this could be illustrated by the amount of men who are unfaithful to their wives of which such indiscretions increases with a man’s salary. That’s right ladies that oh so eligible bachelor who is a doctor, lawyer, business executive, etc., if he has some deep seeded issues with self more than likely he is a cheater in order to compensate for his inadequacies. Women should really start to look out for themselves because men don’t care, they believe women are there to meet their needs and make their lives easier, to hell with what women want.

I don’t have anything against men. I know that there are some decent men out there ( I was told by a wise man; good man is an oxymoron; I won’t use that term). I do believe that every woman should have her own identity separate from a man. I know what I am saying in this blog is not too different from what many other women have echoed. It is my truth. I think that most men would also agree that they would be more interested in a woman who has her own life, her own identity and her own interests. If there are men who disagree then they are just disturbed and twisted. Also, a woman who has her own doesn’t have to worry about any man having too much power over her. Those days are long gone. It is a new day.

When Beyonce Knowles, MichelleWilliams and Kelly Rowland sang the Charlie’s Angel’s movie soundtrack hit, “Independent Woman”; I knew they were on to something. That song started a great phenomenon for many women. What an amazing concept of strength and courage. I can still hear it: “Question? Tell me what you think about me? I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings. Only ring your celly when I’m feeling lonely, when it’s all over please get up and leave.”-Beyonce. Those women are definitely on my list of Sheros for sure.

The South=Hate

2011-03-10T10:17:00.001-05:00

I have had the privilege to both live in the North and the South. Many may say I’m biased but the North is just better hands over fists. Maybe I am just loyal to the way I was brought up. I spent my most impressionable years up North. I learned so many wonderful things there. However, when I moved to the South, I learned firsthand about hate and how ugly it is.

I grew up in an integrated community. There was an orthodox Jewish family that lived to the right of our house and on the other side of us there was a gay couple, two very friendly White gentlemen. The rest of the neighborhood was also very mixed. The school that I went to was integrated; there was just about every representation of people that you could think of. There was White, Black, Hispanic, and Asian. It was a good mix and this is what I thought the world was like; I was happy as a clam. And then my world came crashing down.

My parents began to have some issues of which I now know they tried to protect me from. They separated and my mother moved me to Florida to live with my grandparents. I had actually gone there for one or two summers when we didn’t vacation in our North Carolina timeshare. I should have known that something was weird or wrong then, when I and my brother were told that we had to behave a certain way there and we couldn’t act up like we did when we were at home. So, I moved to Florida but it wasn’t like when I was on vacation. It was like my grandmother was trying to change the person I was to fit into my new life. I began to notice that things were really different there.

The neighborhood was segregated, not one White, Hispanic, or Asian family. The church we went to with the exception of a few White parishioners was predominantly Black. The new school I had to attend was also predominantly Black with very little White or Hispanic. It was not in the best neighborhood and I really didn’t like it. It was hard to make friends because all of the kids thought I sounded funny and I was thinking to myself if they think I sound funny they must not be able to hear themselves. Some of the people I came in contact with I could barely understand what they were saying. And often many of the women thought I looked skinny when I thought I was fat.

To take things a step further, I finally got to understand what a Confederate flag meant. I heard the N word used by people who weren’t supposed to use it. It was miserable until I found some outlets to escape and in hopes of one day returning to a place that wasn’t filled with the stench of oppression and hatred. I had finally appreciated the two-story house with a basement, chimney and attic that I grew up in. I appreciated the idea that I sat next to White, Black, Hispanic and Asian children and gained a wonderful education while doing so.

Some things about me did change. I was an excellent English student before I moved to the South; this totally changed within the first year. I had to make some changes in order to fit in. I became an excellent math and science student instead. My English was okay but it was just something that really no longer interested me because it wasn’t relevant for my survival there. I always knew the difference between what was right and wrong in the way I was treated and I began to develop a deep disdain and disgust for the South and its ways in general. In my opinion it will never change. It was made for certain people and most definitely not me and I am glad that I was afforded the privilege of knowing the difference.

I know some people fiercely love the South as they should if they believe in its ways. However, I won’t allow myself to be lied to about it changing. The hate has just reformed and recreated itself to look different than it did before. Some things have changed but the more things change the more they stay the same. There are still all kinds of crazy codes in place. It would be hard to even explain. It is one of those things that has to be experienced and it is the ugliest truth to ever have to confess. It is home to Black people and White people alike and there you are either one or the other, there is no in between. Some people don’t want to leave because it is all they know. Others don’t want to leave because they love it there and wouldn’t change a thing they would actually prefer to go backwards.

I know that racism, bigotry, hatred and prejudice are everywhere as long as there are people on the face of the earth fighting for limited or valuable resources. Someone is going to try to use color as an indicator to determine whether people have or have not. Region does not change this, however, the South is where it is accepted and allowed to flourish and thrive. This is why I will always denounce it and its ways. I’m human, not cattle, not property or anything of that nature. I have a mind of my own and a God given right to pursue happiness as stated by the Founding Fathers.

I Feel Like Dancing

2011-03-09T09:46:00.001-05:00

Music has an amazing way of evoking all kinds of emotions. Just hearing a tune can change the way a person feels in a positive or negative way, often times, the listener will feel the same emotions the performer or writer felt when creating it. For instance, I can be listening to the radio and out of nowhere if a somber or upbeat song comes on, subconsciously I begin to feel the same way, that’s when the station gets changed or the music gets turned up.

I have acquired a varied preference in music choices; many genres appeal to me. I can listen and appreciate just about any kind of music with the exception of just organized noise or extremely hateful content. Certain content appeals to me more because of my life experiences and who I am. However, I am guilty of listening to music just because it sounds good and what’s wrong with that? Isn’t that what it’s for?

In my younger clubbin’ days (I might have to date myself to get my point across) some of my favorites were, Snoop Dogg, Q-tip, Kanye West, DLG, Marc Anthony, Jennifer Lopez, Shakira, Lil Kim, Eve, Trina, Ludacris, Ciara, Lloyd, Sole, Mary J. Blige, Brandy, Destiny’s Child, Madonna, Pink, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Deborah Cox, Busta Rhymes, Method Man and the list goes on. I must add many of these artists are still making hits! These were just my favorites in the club secretly; I was listening to Mary Mary, CeCe Winans, John P. Kee, the Dixie Chicks, Shania Twain, LeAnn Rimes, John Mayer, Gavin Degraw and other non-stereotypical music for a Black person. To take things a step further some of my favorite composers are Bach, Beethoven, Tchaickovsky, Chopin, Liszt, Mozart, Griegg, Handel, Haydn and other Baroque and Classical era composers.

My love of music began listening to my parents music people like Peabo Bryson, Johnnie Gill, Whitney Houston, Stephanie Mills, Marvin Gaye, Michael Bolton, and Kenny G just to name a few. Sometimes my dad would put on music and we would all just start dancing. When I began to form my own music preferences I became a fan of Janet and Michael Jackson. The first concert I ever attended was a Michael Jackson concert; from that moment on I was in love with him and his music. No one could move like him or create the kind of music that just makes you forget about everything and want to dance.

The art of creating music seems easy when listened to, however, it is complicated when you considering all the effort required. I have a perfect example, 7^th grade 5^th period String Orchestra in middle school was rough sometimes. I had just started learning how to read music and I wasn’t good at it. Strangely, if I heard the song I could reproduce it better than just reading the notes off of the page. I was only used to 4/4 timing so, any deviation from that just didn’t work too well. We had received music for a waltz and not many of us could reproduce the timing. It was off and sounded terrible, this time it was the tempo and the timing with some wrong notes sprinkled here and there. It was so bad the instructor finally told all of us to put the instruments down and waltz.

Many of us barely knew what a waltz was. I had heard the term used before in jest and I did see my mom and dad dance in the house but it was more a two- step that they did. Anyhow, we all got partnered up, the female instructor reminding the male students not to get fresh, and we attempted to waltz. Most of us stepped on our partner’s toes, went in the wrong direction, or took too many or too few steps. Finally somehow, with counting in threes most of us got it and it was fun. Then we didn’t want to stop waltzing. The music transformed into a recognizable waltz instead of a weak raucous. This was beginning String Ensemble/Orchestra. Can you imagine what it’s like to reproduce a score of music, create 12 to 16 lyrical verses or belt out a top 10 tune?

So, if you hear a song that just makes you wanna move, don’t resist the urge, that’s what it was made to do. It doesn’t matter where you are whether it’s in your kitchen after a long day of work, on the weekend while cleaning your place, in your car waiting at the light, on the subway listening to your ipod or at the lounge with your friends having a drink and a laugh. Dance, sway to the music, move those hips; you’ll find you forget about the days troubles and just enjoyed that moment in time.

Right to Choose vs. Slavery

2011-03-08T14:04:00.001-05:00

Abortion has become a hot topic recently with all of the legislation that is being passed about reproductive rights and healthcare reform. We just cannot get away from it and it has been a heated debate every since its inception. It is the year 2011 and women are still fighting for equal rights. Well, I am going to profess it straight up. If someone is trying to tell a woman that she has to keep a child after being raped, as a result of incest or lives in dire poverty and barely has the means to take care of herself; this is a human rights violation of the highest offense. If some sick legislation such as this one is passed it will affect the latter group of women who live in poverty which directly targets minority women. What an insult and assault on a group of women who have already been historically disenfranchised. I’m almost disgusted to share the same title of American with the lawmakers pushing anti abortion legislation, because of the undemocratic and unjustifiable position that they are taking.

Many of the churches are backing this type of legislation. However, when you look at the people who are supporting the legislation it’s some middle to upperclass white men who are affiliated with a Church organization or Christian fellowship. I’m not going to blame the women who are involved because from knowledge of the way Church business is run most women don’t have any power and they are to do what they are told. I wonder how many children they make their wives to have? It takes a lot of money to put food on the table for mouths that don’t generate income. Do these men want to volunteer to take care of children that other people cannot?

In addition to the injustice involved in not allowing women the right to choose, there is another serious issue, once again against women of color. Black women in particular are more likely to be single mothers often times leaving many of them in poverty. Oh no! Is this just another way to continue oppression of an oppressed people? Is it a way to keep a Black woman’s sons in the prison system and her daughters in the welfare system? Some people love cheap labor and will stop at no cost to ensure that they can keep their way of life. They know a woman who has babies to feed will put up with low wages and mistreatment. Would those religious zealots feel the same way if it were their beautiful, sweet angelic daughter who had so much potential for a future before her pregnancy? What about the young Black women with so much potential who may not get the right to choose what happens with their future because they would be forced to have an unplanned and unwanted child?

This is a lot more serious than we think it is and it needs to be addressed. People need to start calling their Congressmen and women and tell them something. It would be a travesty to take women’s rights away. We would be taking a step backward not only for women but for all.

Women make up more than half of the U.S. population and almost half of the labor force this has some serious implications whether people realize it or not. If women lose the right to choose what can happen to their own bodies this is a form of slavery. What? Yes I said it; SLAVERY. Men may not understand because they don’t have to carry or in most cases take care of children. They don’t have a right to choose what we can do with our own bodies. I mean is anything sacred? This is Man’s new form of slavery, making women have children that they don’t want to or cannot afford to have. To take it a step further if they want to make the woman responsible for unwanted pregnancies then they should make the fathers responsible too. Pregnancy does not happen in a vacuum. A woman cannot get pregnant without the help of a man. Since women who seek abortions don’t want to be pregnant for some serious reason they should blame the fathers. It seems as if it is that same ideology of blaming the woman again. The men that push this type of legislation are sadistic, selfish, and neurotic and they are hiding behind expensive suits and titles.

Sex Strike

2011-03-07T08:41:00.000-05:00

Sex Strike

***Disclaimer***

This blog in no way promotes illegal activity by anyone, make sure that you read it carefully and understand the point that I am trying to get across instead of just glossing over the words to try to get the gist of what I am saying. There is a valid point that I am trying to make.

How much does vagina go for nowadays? Not much from what I am seeing and experiencing. Maybe I am too much of a traditional minded woman; in the sense that I believe men should work for well, you know. I am in no way saying that women should literally sell themselves because that is illegal in most states in America. What I am saying is that women should not give up the goodies so easily. The reason for this is sadly because men are somewhat like children and if you let them do what they want they won’t appreciate what they get. Clarification, when some women give it up easily they believe all women are easy. So NOT true!

Let’s consider why some women well you know; give it up so easily nowadays. We need to be honest ladies. Loneliness or need for attention is one of the reasons. Three words; GET A DOG! The four legged kind. They are loyal, they don’t talk back and they won’t leave you once they know you’re their master. Reason number two, you want him to love you. Wake-up call; sex is not an emotional thing for men, once the act is done they feel great but not necessarily about you. Oops! If he loves you he will be willing to wait until you are ready to do the NASTY. It takes time to fall in love, it doesn’t happen overnight and personally, I believe love at first sight is a myth. I’m just sayin’. Another possible reason, women give it up too easily; some women get just as hard up for some as men do (not me, don’t you even think it!). ONE word, VIBRATOR!!! They do a much better job than any man could. Trust me it won’t let you down. There is usually more than one speed and they do all kinds of things rotate, vibrate, pulse you name it! You don’t have to wait for any refractory period and just as long as you have a good supply of batteries you are good to go!

On a serious note, I did not write this blog to be funny or dolt on men (again). However, I believe it is important because many men are showing a lack of respect for all women and they don’t discriminate. They think all women are disposable objects for their pleasure; so NOT true. We have to start letting them know that we should be treated with respect and anything else is unacceptable. So I say we SEX strike. If you are not in a committed relationship with a man, don’t have sex with that friend you feel sorry for, your baby’s daddy, your ex, whoever. If you are in a committed relationship with a man do not accept bad behavior towards you or any extension of you (children, pets, property, etc.) lay down some ground rules and if he doesn’t want to comply don’t give him any, he’s not worth it. I cannot make anyone do what they don’t want to but I urge all the women out there to think about what you are doing to yourself. Even if you are a woman who has become like a man and sex is no longer tied to emotions but just something you do, still you are cheating yourself. Why share something so intimate with someone just for the hell of it, who really doesn’t care about you or your needs. Set a good example for the girls that are coming up and let them know that they are worth waiting for. You are too! If we don’t take back control of sexual stock it won’t have any value, rape may not even be considered a crime anymore. So, who’s with me? Make them work for it or let them do each other!

Abuse

2011-03-06T17:25:00.001-05:00

What is abuse? How is it defined? After this blog many women especially women of color may learn something about this subject that they didn’t know before. However, this blog isn’t just for Black women it is for all women or anyone who has had to suffer the pain of abuse.

Abuse is often defined as maltreatment in the sense of cruel or inhumane treatment. This definition is rather vague. So, let us determine what cruel or inhumane treatment is. I would consider physical harm, in the form of kicking, hitting, punching any kind of physical contact that would inflict pain to another person. Often times this is the kind of treatment that occurs to people who are smaller and less able to defend themselves (ie, women and children). I’m not trying to make villains out of men but any statistics on abuse clearly show that often men are the ones abusing women and women and men are abusers of children. This is not always the case but more often than not it is. In an abusive relationship the abusee is usually the smaller and less powerful of the two. This leads me into the other forms of abuse that are not as apparent.

Financial abuse is another form of abuse that people don’t recognize as abuse as much as other forms. A great example of this is women that are stay at home moms. These women are the most giving selfless people on the face of the earth. They don’t get paid for what they do and they never get a day off. They live where they work. This is a great opportunity for a man to take advantage of his wife and for children to take their mothers for granted. Some men like to justify this behavior with Bible or other religious text. However, the Bible says that a man should love his wife as Christ loved the Church and a man should love his wife as he loves himself and his life. There is no excuse for a woman not to get a substantial portion of her husbands’ paycheck for taking care of him, the house, the kids and compensation for all of the other aspects of being a housewife. There are also other forms of financial abuse, any situation where there is a relationship between two people where one party has more financially and uses it to control the other person there is the potential for an abusive relationship to develop. This is scary isn’t it; gold digger what?

Emotional, Mental and Psychological abuse I am going to lump together because it has a lot to do with feelings about oneself and wearing a person down and controlling them using words and actions. I will start with mental abuse, this is a lot easier to detect. Harsh demeaning words, saying things about a person that are untrue, namecalling, and any kind of degrading and belittling speech towards another person. Usually, in order for this kind of abuse to be effective there has to be another intimidating factor such as the abuser being in a position of power(ie employer vs. employee), physically larger(ie man vs. woman, woman vs child, etc.), or stronger in number (a gang of kids vs. one child). Deprivation of information is another form of mental abuse that is much more subtle and not as easy to detect it is also a way to control a person indirectly.

Psychological abuse much like mental abuse has some of the same characteristics with actions involved. For instance, bullying or abusive behavior may be taken a step further by depriving a person of something that others may receive but not allowing the abusee to have the same benefits. For example, some parents have their favorites of which they may give them better gifts or privileges than the not favorite children (we all remember Cinderella and the Evil Step Sisters). Neglect is another form of mental, psychological or emotional abuse. Ignoring the needs of the abusee in an attempt to make them feel worthless or succumb to what the abuser wants. Once again a person is usually in a position of power in order to get away with these kinds of behaviors.

Last but not least. Emotional abuse is probably one of the most difficult and oftentimes it accompanied by at least one of the other forms of abuse because this is what usually keeps the abusee in the relationship or stops them from letting others know about the abuse. Its named emotional abuse because the abuser uses the emotions that the abusee has for them as a weapon or a tool to control the abusee. The abusee may be asked to engage in uncomfortable, harmful or derogatory acts for the gain or pleasure of the abuser for the sake of the abusees feelings for, loyalty or even love for the abuser.

Abuse can happen at any stage in life to anyone. In childhood it is called bullying. Many people who are abusers have been abused themselves and hate themselves even more than the person they are abusing. If you are an abuser, stop now while you are ahead and get yourself some professional help. If you are being abused tell someone and keep a journal of the abuse. Some people don’t even know when they are being abused and live with it not realizing the harm done to their physical, mental and emotional health. GET OUT, NOW!

***Disclaimer***

Much of the information in this blog is from personal experience and some sociological knowledge acquired. If you disagree with what I’m blogging please don’t take my word for it, do your own research I’m certain you will find parallels with what I’m blogging and statistical evidence or proof.

Faith

2011-03-04T11:02:00.002-05:00

***Disclaimer***: Today’s blog is particularly challenging for me. Out of all of the blogs to date it may get me in the most trouble. However, I think it important to address.

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.", Hebrews 11:1. This is the Bibles definition of faith. Most of us have our brush with faith or faith based content in childhood, whether it is with our parents, other family members or even friends. Personally, I did not grow up religious but I always believed in God. I’m not even sure how I became acquainted with the concept of God. He was just something I felt in those quiet moments of doubt, fear or loneliness.

My faith book of choice is the Bible. I will not disclose my denomination in hopes to keep as much bias out of this blog as possible. The Bible teaches many life lessons from work ethic, morals, how people should treat one another and the list goes on. It also teaches people how to have a relationship with God and what he expects of them. It is a fascinating book. However, everyone gets something different from it when it is read. Some people use it as a guide to life; others see it as a piece of literature or even a glimpse into ancient history.

Other faith books such as the Torah and Quran converge with the Bible at some points and then diverge in others. I have nothing but respect for other faith based religions and I believe that everyone should have the right to choose their own religion free of persecution. As an American I also believe that if a person chooses to not follow a particular religion they have that right too. With something as important as what God to serve or worship everyone should be able to make that choice for themselves. I believe God wants it that way.

When we consider God and Religion, do we believe they are both mutually exclusive or are they intertwined? Many would argue that they are inclusive of each other. Let’s consider God first. Most people go to church, synagogue, or mosque to connect with their God. In the Christian faith it is believed that where only a few gather in his name there God’s presence will be. I believe this but I also know he hears the cries of the righteous and those that love Him above all else. In Matthew 6:6 of the Bible, it says “But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.” Translation: pray in private and not for show. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with going to worship with other like minded people but I believe that in order to have a true relationship with a God intimacy is required.

People don’t have to wait to go to their respective places of worship to have a connection with their God. I don’t believe that organized religion is necessarily for everyone. For some it just doesn’t fit their lifestyle or they may not be able to find a place of worship that fits them. I believe that God is everywhere, He is everything; All Powerful, All Knowing and Everlasting! With that said, why do we have to fund a man made Patriarchal Religion? I don’t know about other religions but some sects of Protestant Christianity have a tendency to blame women for everything; Eve this, Eve that, blah, blah, blah…My name isn’t Eve, I don’t know the lady. And, the last time I checked women don’t start wars. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for knowing and having a relationship with God but often times Bible text is skewed and manipulated for the gain of those in leadership. More often than not that leadership is male. I’m not going to get into indiscretions by Clergy but we all know that some people abuse and misuse their power. I say God Bless them. The Bible states in Matthew 5:45, “That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust."

Beauty

2011-03-03T13:59:00.001-05:00

What really is beauty and how is it defined? It has been said that beauty is only skin deep, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and beauty comes from within. There are many theories and opinions about what is beautiful and what type of look is beautiful. Being a woman makes the idea of beauty even more complicated, add being a dark skinned ethnic woman to the equation and it could be disastrous. With so many ideals of beauty how do I determine where I fit in? I mean, what am I?

In this wonderful country I live in, America; the ideal image of beauty is tall, thin, white, and typically blond hair with blue eyes; gorgeous, right? Add some large breasts real or augmented and what guy wouldn’t fall head over heels in love. This doesn’t really bother me. I’m not White so those standards don’t apply to me. Let’s discuss the African American community. Most African American men would argue that the most beautiful African American women are light-skinned with long hair and if she has a green, blue or hazel eyes and a large rear end they’re in heaven.

I know a lot of women who don’t fit into these molds that have been created to be a standard of beauty for all women, including me. For instance, I will use myself as an example, I’m not tall, thin just doesn’t fit my body type because I have a muscular body type without necessarily looking masculine, thank goodness I at least have modest upper body proportions because for a Black woman I’m lacking in the behind department. I mean it’s like God passed me over in that department and gave it to the other Black girls. I digress. I’m in no way light-skinned but I have made peace with my pecan tan so at least I like it, it’s pretty. Hair, well we never got along and it rarely does what I want it to.

With all of this said. I’m grateful to be wise enough to know that all of this really doesn’t have much value. From looking at myself in the mirror I would say I look average to attractive if I attempt to, I’ve never been vain or conceited about my looks. Quite frankly I believe it is trivial for any woman to focus on something so meaningless. However, I am guilty of being insecure about my looks like most women from time to time. Of course if you’re a model, celebrity, or the industry that you work in requires that you be beautiful well then that’s another issue. I will admit, the idea of beauty can be discouraging at times because men are attracted to beautiful women. But, what kind of relationship is built upon something as superficial as looks? A relationship of that kind is doomed from the start with absolutely no foundation outside of a passing fancy.

I don’t know about all of the other average looking women but I’m okay with my somewhat short stature, thick thighs, kinky hair, full lips and flat bottom. I’d rather people appreciate me for my ideas, my contributions to mankind, or my quirkiness and idiosyncrasies. I’m not saying that I think I’m ugly even though I have felt ugly; all women do from time to time. There are certainly things that I like about my appearance. For instance, I have a great nose by anyone’s standard, my lips are full but not so full that they overpower my face, no matter how much weight I gain I never get cellulite and I have really pretty feet. All I am saying is that a woman’s value shouldn’t be measured by her looks. That just isn’t fair.

So, the jury is out. What is beauty? Beauty is skin deep; aesthetics has nothing to do with a person’s character. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; the definition varies based upon region, demographic, culture and even personal opinion. Beauty comes from within; it’s the sweetest thing to see a couple that has been married for decades and the husband still sees his wife as the most beautiful woman in the world. So, ladies we should all take an inventory and find the traits that we like about ourselves and stop waiting for some guy with ulterior motives to validate us.

Dear Dad

2011-03-02T13:39:00.000-05:00

I want to dedicate this blog to my father, the one who raised me. I know this may seem strange but for so many American children we have more than one set of parents. Some of us have biological parents and the parents who took care of us. Well, I have both. In particular I have more than one dad. I have a biological father of whom I share some striking resemblances and there is no way that I can deny my relation to him because of this. However, growing up my biological father was absent and I had no idea who he was, I didn’t even know what he looked like. Then there is the man who raised me and took care of my mom and me. He really is the only father I’ve ever known.

As I travel back to the far recesses of my mind to my childhood, I think back to some of the most important moments in my life. These moments are the most important in most kids’ lives. I call him my father not because he was married to my mom and by default because I was her daughter he was my dad. I call him my father because he took an interest in me as a person. When I wanted to learn how to ride a bike he stayed outside with me for hours telling me to relax, pedal and keep pedaling. I was opposed to learning how to read at first and I let my parents know, so he made me show him my reading homework after school and drilled me until reading, spelling and writing was the only thing I wanted to do. Eventually he had to start telling me to go outside and play. He made me believe in myself because he believed in me (Can anyone else hear Bette Midler’s “Wind Beneath my Wings” playing?). Seriously, I wouldn’t be the person I am today without his parenting.

No one is perfect but the difference that my father made in my life was remarkable. He made me comfortable with just being me and not needing validation from anyone or anything. He was smart, strong, and opinionated, out spoken, protective, well read and fun to be around. He was fair and generous. If I cried hard enough for something he would show me mercy when my woes would fall on the deaf ears of my mother. He was handsome and looked like a King in his freshly cleaned and pressed white uniform and crisp white hat. Our bond proved that I would always and forever be his little princess. I know it’s nowhere close to Father’s Day but it shouldn’t take a holiday to tell someone how much you care and how much they really mean to you. So, to all of those children out there who have more than one set of parents, let the real parents know how important they are and that they are not forgotten.

I Believe

2011-03-01T19:04:00.001-05:00

I thought it would be appropriate to address an issue that has plagued me for quite some time and to welcome the first day of Women’s History Month. I was always somewhat of an outspoken and headstrong child. I never meant any harm and was quite unassuming; I just said what I was thinking and did what I wanted. My dad always reminded me that as long as I didn’t hurt anyone (including myself), damage property or burn the house down, it was okay to pretty much do what I wanted to. Often times I would ask his permission to do things that I wasn’t sure would get my mother’s approval and his response would be, “It’s a free country.”

So here I am a full grown woman decades removed from baseball capped pigtails, hot pants and knee high socks and I still can’t help but be opinionated. I was brought up to have an opinion and by golly I deserve to use it. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like, “allowing my mouth to get my behind in trouble”, as my dad would say. If I feel strongly enough about something I should speak my mind, right? To take things a step further if I feel strong enough about something to voice my opinion and not back down then I have the right to. Am I wrong? Here is where the conversation takes an ugly turn.

If I were a man, my opinions would be validated and even celebrated especially if they were a departure from the ideas of other men. Now, why is it that being a woman means that I have to back down or submit to the ideas of a more patriarchal persuasion? Doesn’t my opinion count just as much as the next persons? Why am I labeled, difficult at best, troubled, just a plain bitch, psychotic or some feminist dike because I decide to be brave and say what other people are thinking? No offense to anyone in the LGBT community but you can only imagine my disbelief when I, as a straight woman, hear those words being uttered about me because I speak up and out.

If we want to add insult to injury there are women who still believe that they shouldn’t have an opinion and that they shouldn’t stand up for themselves. It baffles me that in this day in age that mindset is still viable and there are women who still live by it. In my grandmother’s day that was just the way things were, your husband told you to do something and you did it no questions asked. I learned something totally different. My dad was trying to teach me how to negotiate at the tender age of seven and even though he introduced it as a game, I am grateful to him for putting fire under my butt and encouraging me to think for myself.

So, on the first day of Women’s History Month, I want to encourage all the women out there to form your own opinions and not to be a doormat. Don’t do things because other people expect it of you but because you believe in what you are doing and you expect it of yourself. Stop being people pleasers because people are never satisfied. And, last but not least if he calls you a bitch because his secretly fragile ego is wounded, tell him to never speak to you again! No worries, you won’t be alone. I will do the same.

What does it mean to be a woman?

2011-02-28T19:41:00.000-05:00

When I think of what it means to be a woman; I think of women who I admire and what it is about them that I admire. The first woman I admired was my mother, like most little girls. Everything that she did, I wanted to do. I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world and one of the smartest too. There wasn't anything that I saw wrong with her. She was a great cook, mother, spouse and she managed to juggle home life, work and even school. This was my first idea of what it meant to be a woman.

As I got older I began to form opinions as I learned about the world that I lived in and applied it to my own unique upbringing. When choosing a career for myself, I didn't factor in what kind of careers were necessarily popular for women like, nursing, teaching or being a librarian. Those careers didn't appeal to me because I just didn't have that kind of personality. I was always raised to believe that I could do anything I wanted regardless of the color of my skin or my two X chromosomes.

So, with all of that said my idea of what a woman is encompasses a few main concepts. A woman is filled with integrity. She does what she knows to be right and speaks out against wrong or injustice. She is pensive and does not allow others to lead her astray or dictate what she does. This leads me into strength; it is by no means easy being a woman. So many women have endured the emotional, mental and physical pains of heart break, abuse, neglect, disappointment and betrayal. If she is lucky enough to have not experienced these misfortunes, child birth is a fleeting yet painful experience. With all of these experiences comes the reward of growth and learning if the pain is channeled correctly.

What is a woman again? She's integrity, truth, intelligence, and strength.

Until Next Year Black History Month !

2011-02-27T19:35:00.000-05:00

In celebration and reflection of Black History Month I want to post the positive and negative aspects of being African American and highlight how far we have come and how much further we need to go. Just keepin' it real and relevant. Here goes:

1. The IT Factor. It's amazing to be a part of such a fascinating culture, arguably, there are no better entertainers, innovators, athletes, and other world renown talents.

2. Skin. It's just beautiful, smooth, and perfectly pigmented.

3. Progression. From lowly humble slaves begging their masters not to work them so hard and dreaming of freedom to lawyers, doctors, business owners, millionaires and even the president and first lady of the free world.

4. Music. If you don't live under a rock, I think this one is pretty self explanatory.

5. Sports. Tiger, Kobe, The Williams sisters, Bolt, Joyner-Kersey, Jordan, Robinson, Ali...And the list goes on...

6. Culture. From our trendsetting dress and hair styles to the way our women move their hips. We are the envy of the world. They hate us then they wanna be like us. How fly are we?

Negatives:

We have a Black president and many of us have proven that we as a people have come a long way but many of the people in the Black community are still struggling and outpaced in comparison to other minorities and Caucasians.

1. Bad Credit. As a whole, it is just worst than every one else's. The numbers are not on our side when it comes to credit. This is a serious issue because it locks us out of a lot of opportunities such as housing, employment, car loans, etc. Life is just more difficult with bad credit. Just what we need, right?

2. Hate. Whether people want to admit it or not, on Black people are judged. People assume negative things even before getting to know you as a person; even other Black people.

3. Police. They just love to harass Black people. It's almost as if they can't help themselves.

4. Lack of privilege. We still lack the privileges that Caucasian Americans enjoy; there is no way around it. This I believe is one of the most difficult to deal with. When we as Black people attain a certain level of success, we are sitll reminded by Caucasians that we are not them; as if they were better.

5. Justice system. If you are Black, it is just not in your favor. It's that privilege thing again. In many court casesit has been proven that a White life is valued more than a Black life.

6. Institutional racism. Housing, access to education and proper health care and employment are still issues that plague the African American community. We make up 12% of the U. S. population and we have less than any one group of people in terms of wealth on average. This includes minority groups that make up a smaller percentage of the U.S. population (ie. Asian Americans).

***Disclaimer***
None of what was posted is there to offend anyone. It was put there in celebration and reflection of a community and to highlight the positive and negative aspects of just being. No offense to any one is intended. If someone is offended, let me assure you there is factual evidence and statistics that supports everythings stated. Happy Black History Month!